Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
dude i'm inner monologue high
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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