I'm going to jail i love you
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
