Hey man sorry I got all grabby
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Randomize
