I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
