So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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