sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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