i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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