I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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