Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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