Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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