you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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