his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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