the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
