What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
