ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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