singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
we made out on top of his cat.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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