Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
