the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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