it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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