I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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