I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
