foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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