What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
