thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize
