do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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