Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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