So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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