dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
