I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
