WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
