ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Did you just see the Batmobile???
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Randomize
