i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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