i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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