I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
