I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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