Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I am naked and annoyed.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
