We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
