im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
