all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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