Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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