Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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