I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
