The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Michael Bay diarrhea
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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