It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
