At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
