Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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