so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
