I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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