Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
