i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
